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Judging others

wendy2010-07-04 10:49:49 +0000 #1
I am trying to stop judging others from their actions/behavior, to being someone that judges by the reflection thrown off by their souls, any advice?

I know, it would be wonderful if I did not judge others at all, but I AM trying to get there.

Thank you so much for any suggestions offered.

David2010-07-04 10:54:50 +0000 #2
Hi fellow judger!

*stands up*

My name is David and I judge.

*sits down*

I feel that admitting and being conscious of your judgments is the first step. I recently wrote:


Originally Posted by me

At present, I judge. I judge others, I judge myself. Jesus and Metallica did after all say something along the lines of, “Judge not lest ye be judged yourself.” If I am to practice satya (truthfulness) then I must consciously admit how I am. At present, I judge. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal, but I would prefer to unconditionally accept people and myself. For me to venture down that path, I must first admit that I have not really been on it.

Now I am

The next step for me has been to realize that ANY time I judge others, what I judge IS within myself in some way or form. When I catch myself judging, the steps I take are:

1. Come into my body, breathe, feel, and connect to the peace within.

2. I inwardly apologize to the person, thank them, love them, and forgive myself (and them).

3. Ask myself how, what I judged them for, is within me. Invariably it is, sometimes it is easier to see than other times. I observe it, sit with it, but am careful not to judge it

I find myself judging less and less and just loving and accepting. It's definitely a journey though. One I am grateful to be on.
Hubert2010-07-04 11:18:07 +0000 #3
Let it be so.

I subscribe.
InnerAthlete2010-07-04 11:52:29 +0000 #4
Hello Wendy,

Could you expound on what you mean by "judging"?

It might be very helpful to the discourse.

Maybe an example or two of the actions and subsequent thoughts you are asking about??
wendy2010-07-04 12:14:17 +0000 #5
Thank you David for taking the time to read and respond with some wise and wonderful advice, and for making me feel that I'm not the only one struggling with non-judgement.

You are a good and true friend to us all.

Thank you IA for making me think, and all of your helpful, witty and intelligent posts on the forums, such a pleasure to read.

For an example, I'll give you my neighbors intrusion on my ability to relax and enjoy my backyard. I'd love to be able to sit and relax, enjoy the fragrance of blooming plants, listen to the sounds of nature, and frolicking kittens, birds, butterflies, etc., without being bombarded with loud music and arguments every other day. I have been quite generous in my offers of help, and willingness to come up with solutions to this problem. I have been met with indifference.

I don't seem to react with compassion like an enlightened person should, but become angry that they are so inconsiderate of others. I know I should practice non-judgmentand forgiveness when this situation arises, which then leads me to judge myself, "who am I, to hold myself above or better than them?, or "who am I to judge good and bad, wrong and right?". I don't like to think that I'm better than my neighbors, it's just so hard to let it go and be accepting sometimes.

After reading this, I'm thinking maybe I am being self-centered - as in they are intruding on MY peace and quiet. I don't know.

What a long journey I have ahead of me.

Good thing I love journeys!
InnerAthlete2010-07-04 13:10:40 +0000 #6
That is more helpful Wendy, thank you.

What I have observed and experienced is that we human beings tend to get so wrapped up in our enlightenment story that we blur the line between judgment and discernment. In our haste to look outwardly good and kind and evolved and levitating to others so that they will notice us and commend us for our advanced place on the spiritual path, we loose touch with the authenticity of our humaness- in this case emotions.

I have both cautioned and been cautioned about the ego masquerading as the spirit. In short, white hemp clothes, a perpetual smile, and an indifferent gloss to one's affect may only be a veneer. All the more reason to study with a sound teacher so that one may have a clean look at one's self.

Discernment is something that we absolutely need and would benefit from refining. It allows us to know that we are not served by this person's company, or that we are not empowered by this class, or our body is not ready for this pose, or it is best not to stroll slowly across I-4. Discernment gives us much needed feedback for mindful decision-making.

However when your neighbors behavior is branded with a label as being "bad" (or "good" for that matter) or when you are incredibly ruffled by it even after doing all that you can, then it needs to be looked at, as you are doing now. It is merely another experience in the physical body and perhaps one that your soul actually needs for its evolution. Perhaps your soul lived in a cave last time round and this time it must have some ruffles. Or perhaps its time to move.

Both may be true. But I don't think you should be too hard on yourself for discernment as long as you are not using discernement to justify your anger and outrage.
Pandara2010-07-04 13:41:58 +0000 #7
Namaste Wendy,

I think there has been before another thread where we discussed the difference between judging and discernment also qat length, perhaps you can search for it.

I agree fully with IA and would like to add the following: remember the outside world is just a reflection of the inside world, the noise on the outside is a noise on the inside. Perhaps you can contemplate this and see what noises inside yourself you suppress or need to pay attention to. I have found many times in my life if I solve the inside noise, conflict etc the outside expression of it sort of disappears or dissipate at least until you don't notice it anymore.
Hubert2010-07-04 12:15:50 +0000 #8
1. Concentrate. I, for one, if I am absorbed to an activity I am really interested in, I don't hear, I don't see.

This might just be a test of your patience. Once you develop the necessary patience, these trouble will go away. They are there only to make you stronger.

I know, sometimes we just feel the need to be left alone. Realize that your backyard is not that place, instead, it is a gauntlet. You say, you are entitled to have your peace. This is simply not true. Find another place to rest, it must not be a garden. Use the backyard for what it is, a clash of various interests.

2. Argue, quarrel, fight, make a stand, get your message through. Express your disturbed state. You can be a badass, too. I bet Jesus was a badass when he has drown the merchants out of the temple. Arjuna, I bet he was a badass when he killed his own brethren. Compassion is in the heart, not in the actions.
Alix2010-07-04 14:31:49 +0000 #9
Wendy, have you considered that perhaps your pleasant response to your neighbours rudeness IS non judgemental? I would say you have behaved with remarkable tolerance in such an instance.

I tend to view situations like this as a gift. What is it I need to learn/do in this situation? Most things are sent to us to help us learn.

Perhaps you don't need to be "non judgemental" here. The lesson might be that in the world we live in there will be things we need to deal with in different ways. The lesson might also be as Hubert suggests, an opportunity to improve your focus and concentration to the point of ignoring your neighbours. Only you can decide what your lesson is in this circumstance. I wish you well.
justwannabe2010-07-04 13:39:49 +0000 #10
some thoughts

if you are resistent to your neighbors, resistence is normally met with resistence. If you feel resistence to who they are and what they do, they will probably pick up on that before you even say a word to them about it. So, how can you address this without resistence, that is where creativity comes in. If your neighbors argue with each other then they may have some internal struggles within themselves. They are hurting inside, can you find compasion for them? How well do you know your neighbors, maybe build a rapport with them before tackling this issue, become their friend and if you do it from the heart, most likely they will become your friend to. WHen someone cares about you because you care about them, they will do things for you because they care. Life is like a coin, we often only look at two sides. If you can live on the third side you will roll along nicely. Easy for me to speak these words, living them is another story. best of luck

we are one, in the same

brother neil
wendy2010-07-04 15:52:33 +0000 #11
Thank you all, for the wisdom you have offered me.

I don't know where to begin, as I'm still trying to absorb the advice you have given me.

First of all, I need to get past my solutions involving gathering up a posse of neighbors (the others that are bothered by the neighbors actions) and marching over there to resolve this. Visions of pitchforks = not good. I am trying to observe these thoughts instead of judging them.

justwannabe - I think you are right about my resistance. The first time I approached the neighbors to welcome them was with open hands, the next was probably with closed fists, and a pointing finger - even if it was only in my mind.

Alix - what a great way to view situations like these! thank you.

Hubert - so I can go over there and beat them with a stick?

You are so right, I need to develop more patience.

Pandara, thank you, I will search the forums for that thread.

InnerAthlete, I get you on the not throwing away judgment for the sake of being perceived as nonjudgmental.

I will focus on accepting where I am now, rather than worrying about becoming nonjudgmental, which seems to be a goal, and aren't goals being about the future - which would take me away from being in the present??? Now I'm confused again.
Alix2010-07-04 11:36:01 +0000 #12
Wendy, you made me snort my tea with the visions of pitchforks and an angry mob! Thanks for the early morning giggle.
wendy2010-07-04 13:36:34 +0000 #13
It's so nice to start the day off giggling.

I almost lost my tea also - when I read IAs chai snorting post!

I think he must need help becoming nonjudgmental also, he seems to think that chai in a box is a BAD thing.



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