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fear of losing

AnahataAnanda2010-07-04 23:45:04 +0000 #1
namaste,

i have been practicing yoga for about 1 year, but have been getting deeper and deeper into it during the last few months. however, im noticising something strange happening. let me break it down first. i am a musician but ive always wanted to put together a band because ive always believed that the collaborative musical effort becomes something much more beautiful than individual creation because the different flavors brought to the table by the different musical tastes become something fascinating. anyway, ive been looking for a long time, mostly last year, and was very fired up about it last year. i played with some musicians here and there, but nothing very serious happened. lets just say there wasnt too much chemistry. there was one young man with whom i clicked and weve talked since last year about starting something, but finally this year, actually the past few months, weve started working on some stuff. he put some recordings of some ideas he had on my computer and ive been working on stuff here. but there is this strange feeling that i cant explain within me because everytime we set a date and time to meet up, when the time comes i end up cancelling. i cant figure out what it is so ive been using this as a source to focus on while practicing. i guess what i want to know is if anyone has ever had this sort of experience during your yoga journey where you pull away from things that you really want and care about and you just dont know why. i cant seem to be able to even force myself to go and meet up with these musicians, who are lovely people by the way and im starting to fear that im going to push away that which ive wanted for so long. im not sure if any of this makes sense, i apologize if it doesnt but some feedback would be great. its just sort of been bothering me because i have this ongoing fear that im going to lose everything. is this common?


InnerAthlete2010-07-04 23:56:59 +0000 #2
I wish more people would ask these questions, but with a few paragraphs inserted as it is hard for these eyes to read one long run-on block.

There are times where it seems we undermine our own process. Call it the "fear of success" or call it something else. There is also another side to be weighed and that is that this particular person, whom you are canceling with, is simply not the right person for you to collaborate with. This is duality and in the yogic process we connnect with the heart center (via meditation) to determine what is our Svadharma; our purpose for being here.

Once that connection has been made the student can return there for agenda-free guidance (though the heart does have an agenda that agenda is love and thus the preferred voice, of the three, to be guided by). It is there that this question you asked - both sides of it - get clarified.

Is this the right something for me and am I getting in the way. If so, why, what is that about, where does it come from and am I ready to be done with it. If you have a habit of undermining this needs to be examined very mindfully.

OR

This is not the right person to collaborate with. And while I DO want to collaborate I want it to be in alignment with my purpose for being here. Therefore I am not seeking any collaborator who wanders in, but the right collaborate for me. If you do not have a habit of undermining then this needs to be looked at very mindfully.
Pandara2010-07-04 23:52:37 +0000 #3
Namaste,

It is a "side-effect" of yoga sometimes that what we want is not necessarily what Spirit has in mind for us and then comes the tugging between what the Ego wants and what the Divine Self knows is best for you or what your path should be.

Your fear may stem from a past karmic deed towards this other person stemming from a past incarnation, only you can know this. The only way to know this is as IA says, go within the heart and seek your answers within. Only you can know that and only you will be able to solve it.

My advice, bless the situation and this other person and then give praise and thanks to the Divine for a speedy resolution to the whole situation and accept that what happens is appropriate for you.

Good luck.

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