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justwannabe2010-07-04 23:49:44 +0000 #1
last night for some strange reason I decided to walk around the house in the dark and trust I knew my way, I can do it when I sleep walk so why not awake. I washed dishes in the dark, and other odds and ends

then when I read I lit a candle. some nights my eyes get tired so I use glasses, for some reason the candle light made reading very easy on the eyes. I felt very relaxed and then went to sleep, relaxed. I know, I do weird things

Nichole2010-07-04 23:57:31 +0000 #2

Please receive this as I intend it, in the spirit of true friendship and from a commitment to bring light. I noticed that this is your 3rd post with a similar voice and practice (washing your car in the rain, weeds and now this post).

What are you hoping to set in motion by sharing these things?

Why share them here at a Yoga forum? What are your own realizations about these practices (for a lack of you defining them)? Where are the impulses to explore your world in the dark and to indulge your whimsical wish to wash your car in the rain coming from? What are the fruits of these practices? Do you truly think these things you do are weird or asking for confirmation that they are or are not from the membership here?

I have to say that I am thrilled to see this type of exploration by you and I have seen it before in people just before they have a significant breakthrough in their mediation and other practices. It may be that this is also happening for you. Maybe not, but I observe it to be similar. My hope is that the membership here will be able to offer support and reflection in everything that is offered up here.

These questions I ask you are very personal. Please respect your own boundaries around them and answer only what feels appropriate for you.

With great respect and love,
justwannabe2010-07-04 23:58:59 +0000 #3
nichole, without thoughts for how it comes across I will respond, easier to be honest that way. I say I am crazy when I post, understanding there is no such thing as normal. I say I am crazy to say it is ok to be crazy, being crazy used to be somethign I was afraid of, Now I am no longer. People can think of me how they wish, I care not to protect an image. it is more important how I see myself, then how others veiw me. I want to be an individual, I want to be different, I want to be me. I wash the car in the rain, I did it again this last weekend, for a multiple of reasons. loose fear of the rain, save water, be closer to nature, to realize rains positive qualities, to respect god if only a little more, etc...

candles create fire, fire is natural, that light should be better for my eyes and I like being closer to natural. pulling weeds, connects to the earth, slows me down, allows me to think more clear, etc......

maybe to some extent I seek acceptance, but I do not seek that as much as I used to. I post some things others may think are crazy, realizing sometimes I may be right or wong and when I am wrong that is ok. I wear my heart on my sleave because I should not be afraid of what people think. Maybe it will be inspiration for others to be more open, honest, and hide from themselves less, maybe not, but I am just being me. also, what better time can be spent, playing a video game? Idle chit chat about negative things on the news I have no control over, etc.....

one more note, a funny thing about being crazy, where I work more people gravitate towards conversations with me now then ever before, a side benefit I did nto seek, nor is my motivation, kind of crazy that when you care less others notice you more. Maybe they long for something they see in me, but I do not wish to be boastful about this, humility is the key to all things I seek.

well time for me to work

thank you for asking your questions and helping me to think about myself a little more

on the ride,

Nichole2010-07-05 00:01:09 +0000 #4
thank you for going there seeker. i am deeply appreciative.

my personal process is similar: i first realized i wasn't seeking the acceptance/approval of others as much and then quickly realized it was because i was accepting myself. and it felt so good!

about people gravitating toward you, i think people resonate with truthfulness. the truth of who we are is so attractive to others. i am working so diligently with and being challenged by this myself. being authentic, living my dharma, keeping satya even in my thoughts. i am realizing that it is easier for me to begin relationships on this footing, but a challenge to "reintroduce" myself to people i've known for years and that is because i've been dishonest and elusive on many levels with even my dearest friends. not to be malicious in anyway, but as a way to protect myself, to avoid certain feelings while chasing after others, and from absolute ignorance.

i wanted to share this: Aadil Palkhivala: Involution: Video From YouTube:(link)
InnerAthlete2010-07-05 00:03:02 +0000 #5
Ironically, our very presence on an internet forum provides an inherent image protection as a by-product of the blanket of anonymity the internet spreads.



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